Misfit for Life
...is a community led coaching and education company.
We provide transformational personal growth & self empowerment experiences for kickass and kind humans.
As Misfit seekers, healers, investigators, and visionary leaders it is our mission to provide products, tools, resources, and experiences that educate, inspire, and motivate the ‘Misfits’ of the world to become self actualised.
Our vision is a world where the 'misfits' feel so good about being 100% themselves that they stand up to be counted, take appropriate action, and share their superpowers for the good of all and global expansion.
Our company vision is to provide a platform and community that enables 100,000 misfits to create profitable, sustainable and fun, world changing purposeful businesses and lives.
Happy, proud, satisfied and fulfilled Misfits become the powerful innovators and change-makers the world is waiting for.
We endeavour to create a culture of community over competition, participation over perfection and courage over expectation so that we are all able to contribute to the creation of a better world, one of true belonging and real freedom.
From ARGH to AHHH
Instead of feeling confident and clear so many Misfits find themselves feeling unsure, confused and overwhelmed. Instead of sharing their gifts and superpowers with the world they have learnt that it is not safe to be BIG and BOLD and POWERFUL.
We have learnt that sharing our hearts can lead to feeling misunderstood, unvalued and at times invisible.
Misfits feel the world deeply, but instead of knowing how to alchemise the energies of others or stand firm in their individuation they sometimes find themselves merging or blending leading to codependent relationships or over-giving to the point of burn out.
Every journey starts with an act of courage..
‘Misfit’ began its life in 2012 when Ebonie Allard started writing her book ‘Misfit to Maven’ which was published in 2015.
After certifying as a personal performance coach with The Coaching Academy and creating what is now The Misfit to Maven Way and the Value Filter System, she found her way to helping people who like her had become burnt out, overwhelmed, busy, and bored.
Since then her voice, her presence and her joy has reached and inspired tens of thousands of Misfits all over the world.
Before I was seven years old I had lived in a house truck, on a commune, in France, in New Zealand, in Ireland, and several homes in England. I had been bathed in a sink, and had a pet goose called Lucy. I think it’s fair to say that my parents gifted me with a curiosity for the world. I learned that being open and curious was the road to everything that’s good about being human.
“It’s only when we close ourselves off that life stops being magical. I understand, embrace, and CHERISH the unconventional. The curious. The extraordinary. We’re not meant to be like anyone else and our differences are to be celebrated.”
I had an unusual childhood, with exposure to so many things that are now widely accepted with merit that then were weird and unheard of. I had access to spirituality, philosophy, healing modalities, esoteric tools and all elders who ‘got it’ - and all I wanted was normal.
My first career was as a Freelance TV & Film Production Buyer, Stylist, and Project / Event Manager. I worked hard and played harder. I suffered from burnout at the end of every job. My life was a roller coaster of working til I collapsed and then ‘retreating’ around the world.
I worked hard for my career and had got what I thought I wanted; money, status, some creativity and abject freedom; but it wasn’t enough…. So I opted to be courageous and try something different.
Out of the frying pan and into the fire
In the midst of the impending recession in 2009 I set up My Girl Friday Ltd, providing Freelance Personal and Virtual Assistance to Creative Businesses & Private Individuals in the UK and across the globe. The recession, my pride and a series of unfortunate events meant that I was homeless and sofa surfing. I was massively in debt and knew nothing about running a business. Which meant I had nothing to lose and I gave it everything I had.
By December 2011 from the outside my business looked great. Through pure grit, determination and hustle I had survived the toughest part of the recession. I had followed ‘the rules’ about how I thought business was supposed to be. The Company grew, our reputation and reach extended, we had invites to amazing events, and were being nominated for awards.
But, on the inside I felt stuck and lost. I wasn’t delegating, I was pushing people away and being led by my wounds and the voices that told me ‘I have to do this all by myself” and “everything is on me.”
I was avoiding my truth and everything felt hard. I was not having fun!
I was working round the clock, but we were not making enough profit, I was not running my business, my business was running me!
I felt trapped, and overwhelmed. I doubted everything, I numbed my feelings with food, drugs, sex and alcohol. I felt no real pleasure and no real pain, I felt disconnected from my clients, from my business, partners and from my purpose.
On the outside, the smile masked what was really going on. My body urged me to listen but I wouldn’t.
No matter what the experts tell you, or think that they know - listening to yourself and your body is a non-negotiable part of the Misfit to Maven way.
I contemplated suicide.
I chose to live.
In November 2011 I moved to Bali, surrounded myself in colour and femininity and made it my mission to figure out who the fuck I really was AND learn to like what I found or make changes until I did.
I decided to learn from all the crazy adventures I had been on, all the books I had read, all the people I had met, all the businesses I had worked with. I raked through all the notes I had from retreats and workshops, and therapy and courses; all the journals I kept, all the money I lost, all the diets and pills, the pains, the patterns – everything!
I drew out all the lies and all the truths and worked out what they were really saying. This is what now makes up The Misfit to Maven Way.
There is work to do but it gets to be an adventure of discovery.
I spent three years adjusting. Adapting and creating Ebonie 2.0. I won’t lie to you, it was an emotional and sometimes painful journey. There were lonely times. Sad times. Angry times. I had to let go of a lot of who I was. But there was also a lot of acceptance and joy.
Now I’m on Ebonie 4.0 - I’m continually evolving and growing and I want you to know that you get to upgrade and up-level too.
In 2017 I nearly burnt it all to the ground. This time because I wanted MORE FREEDOM and didn’t know how to make the transition from where I was, to whatever was next. It felt too big. I knew I wanted to create and live in community, but didn’t want to relinquish control.
Instead of taking the seemingly easier path, running from myself again and walking away from everything I had built, I realised that I could invite people in and share the responsibility and the rewards with other people.
Worth the investment
Letting people in wasn’t easy for me, but fast forward to today, and everything has changed. These days I am inspired, full of creativity and imagination. I am grounded, strong and yet light and playful in my body.
I live in a way that inspires and empowers me and others. I have time and space in my life to feel creative and indulge in my passions and hobbies. I hear the laughter of my friends and Soul family. I know that the people around me are interested in what I do, and I share my experience and my ideas openly.
I dance, lift weights, swim in our pool, have my photo taken, eat in a well balanced way – for my health, for my pleasure; without any ‘rules’ for the first time in my life.
I feel seen, heard, empowered and encouraged.
I ask for support when I need it and listen to my body wisdom; sleep, eat and exercise when I know I need and want to. I listen to others and share my world. I feel connected, I know I am enough, not too much and my worth is not determined by anyone else but me!
My brain is stimulated daily and I have all the clarity and resources I need. I continue to invest heavily in my personal growth. I feel comfortable in my own skin. I feel all my feelings without suffering them or judging. I am able to really experience pleasure, and my experiences of discomfort show up as lessons and feedback.
I have the money I need and want in order to have the home, possessions, freedoms and experiences I desire and give back in a way that feels good..
Greater than the sum of its parts.
For years I struggled with the belief that I had to do it all myself. The responsibility of ‘saving the world’ felt like it was on my shoulders. Then one day after years of coaching, training, reflection, healing and growth I decided to change the paradigm and allow it to be ease-y.
So, Misfit For Life is no longer just me and you get to shortcut that journey and create a life of freedom AND belonging, now!
Together we are greater. None of us are in this alone. You might be a Misfit, but you don’t have to be lonely. You get to be unique and you get to challenge the status quo, all while being cherished, adored, respected, honoured, seen, heard and understood.
Before I was seven years old I had experienced more emotional and physical trauma than any child should. I was two years old when I lost my eight month old sister to cot death, it was me that found her. I was empathic even then and absorbed so much of what was going on around me. My mother and father had always had a turbulent relationship, and when my sister died, ties with my father were severed.
In her grief my mum decided to move house without telling any of the family, essentially cutting us off from everyone. She attempted suicide, but was stopped. She struggled to let anyone in emotionally apart from me. She held me close. She attempted to be both my mother and my father, but sometimes struggled to parent herself let alone me.
She did the best she could with what she had, but when I was sent to live with my grandparents for 6 months it added to the narrative of abandonment I was building internally. I felt everyone's feelings and was unable to distinguish what was mine and what was theirs. I felt overwhelmed, unwanted and like it was me that was wrong somehow.
“It’s only when we abandon ourselves that life stops being magical. I understand, embrace, and RESPECT boundaries. Learning to use our empathy healthily and deciding not to self abandon is the secret to being a kick ass and kind misfit. We’re meant to individuate. Our differences are what allow us to connect fully and grow..”
No models for healthy masculinity
Around the age of 7 my mother and father reconnected in an effort to bring my father back into my life. I was to see him once every 2 weeks to build a relationship. So, between 7 and 15 although I did see him, I spent the time connecting with my new siblings, rather than him. He wasn’t able to connect with me one-on-one and gave me no reason to alleviate my growing mistrust for men.
I knew the kind of man I didn’t want to be.
My relationship with the wounded masculine continued when my mother and I moved in with her then partner, who was both a misogynist and a chauvinist. I was already confused about my identity and my masculinity. I knew that I was different to the men I saw around me. I already worried that everything about me was wrong. I also knew that I was attracted to men, and I was unsure about what that meant for me or would mean for my relationship with my mum.
My mum's partner also had a son; a couple of years older than me. He personified every stereotype about gay men. Crude and overt about his sexuality, he often brought older men home and would talk graphically about sex (perhaps in an attempt to make everyone feel as uncomfortable as he did.)
My mum saying "Don't ever be gay Jonathan" still rings through my mind sometimes today.
Finding my place in the world
I came out as gay to my friends at 16. It was such a crazy release having something that was just mine and not an expression of expectation. I later realised I was bisexual, and although my friends were very accepting I found it challenging to be true to myself and reconcile the stereotypes of masculinity I saw either in my family or in the gay community.
I struggled with finding and owning my identity. I felt the need to be this strong typical masculine man, whilst not respecting any of the men I saw around me.
The conflict of needing to authentically express the real me and not always knowing who that was led to me becoming pretty arrogant. I desperately needed to be wanted, I acted out and found myself repeatedly attracting unhealthy relationship dynamics.
Becoming someone I didn’t like
On the one hand I wanted to be independent and break away from my mum. I could see that she was emotionally manipulative and in many ways too big a part of my life leaving no room for anyone else to get close. On the other I enjoyed being wanted, needed and looked after.
We bought a house and lived in it together for a short time. When she found love and moved out to be with him it triggered my abandonment issues.
She was the one person that I could trust not to leave me and I made her leaving mean that everyone would leave me eventually.
I decided that I couldn’t trust that anyone could stick around. So I pushed them away first. I became arrogant, self centred and at times narcissistic.
The combination of no real healthy masculine and being wrapped in cotton wool by my family meant that I had no idea about the rewards of hard work or commitment.
Reconnecting with my body
When I was 20 I decided to become a Personal Trainer.
I became obsessed with health and fitness. I studied Sports & Exercise Science at university.
I started to see the results of consistency and commitment. Training my body allowed me to process my feelings and emotions.
One day I was training with my father and he told me that he was concerned that people would think we were a couple.
His inability to accept me or be a supporting role in my life gave me further ‘proof’ that I was ‘wrong.’
But, It also gave me fuel for the kind of man I wanted to become; secure and accepting of others.
Someone I can be proud of
In 2010 my mum was diagnosed with cancer out of the blue. What followed was 10 weeks of deep care and total support of another human being. Being completely responsible for someone as they lose function, and slowly die will change you. Especially when it’s your own parent. I experienced grief on a scale I didn’t know was possible, and it changed me fundamentally.
I finally understood the fragility of life.
After her death I was a mess for a while. I avoided people and I drank, HEAVILY. I was fortunate to have people who challenged me on it and I began using my grief to build my personal training business.
I grew my personal training business and sought role models. I found other men who had also turned to the physical fitness industry for personal growth but I didn’t find the role models I sought.
Unfortunately the fitness industry is riddled with wounded masculine energy, it can be extremely shallow and the opposite of healing. I knew that I needed more. I was sure that there was more out there and began looking for more embodied ways to engage with my masculinity, my body and my healing.
When I look back now, I can see that my mother passing away was a huge wake up call for me. I still miss her every day, but I am grateful for the lessons it has taught me, and how surviving her has shown me who I really am, and who I am capable of being.
The real turning point came when I hit 30. I decided I was no longer willing to live a mediocre life, I decided to follow my dreams, and explore where I had been numbing and avoiding.
I’ve spent the last 5 years working out what my dream life would look like. Exploring the world, and living all over; from Bali to Valencia.
I journeyed in Ecuador and experienced being completely alone for the first time in India. I read and I listened and I implemented as I explored gender and sexual dynamics. I explored the grief, the anger, and the shame shown to me by the death of my mum and before that my sister. I looked at the shadows surrounding my family dynamics and I realised that although my life prior to this looked to me to be mediocre, it was actually a story of strength, of overcoming adversity, and that I’d grown into being someone that could help others navigate everything that I had found so hard alone.
I qualified in NLP and began coaching. I found myself drawn to the type of people who don’t “fit in”, who struggle to be seen, heard and understood, and who know life can be magical, but don’t yet know how to access it.
(Misfits, in case you hadn’t guessed)
In 2019 I met Ebonie. It was one of those meetings where you instantly click. I just knew that we were Soul family. We are on the same wavelength and our vision for the world aligns so beautifully. She gave me my Value Filter and everything started to make sense. The past, the future and the present.
We recognised that we are here to help the same people, and that together we can make a bigger impact. Although its not always easy we are 100% committed to our work together to help you find freedom AND belonging.
We may come from different places, with hugely different life experiences and at times perspectives but we want you to know that if we can find our way here; to abundance, surety and full authentic expression, then so can you.